


Never Close Enough

by legoboyfriend



Category: HLVRAI - Fandom
Genre: Affection, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pet Names, Post-Canon, Swearing, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-26
Updated: 2020-08-26
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:53:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25653946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/legoboyfriend/pseuds/legoboyfriend
Summary: this is my first fic so it might not be very, ,,, , good lol but !! this is just gonna be a collection of cute frenrey dates :) if im missing any tags or anything let me know ! <3
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman
Comments: 7
Kudos: 99





	Never Close Enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gordon takes Benrey with him on a trip to the mountains. As the day goes on, something seems to capture Benreys thoughts and he becomes more and more out of it...

This was nice. Sitting in a field of long grass as the sun was close to setting, Benrey resting his head on Gordon's shoulder. Their fingers intertwined perfectly, almost as if they were made to be held by each other.

"I'm surprised you made it the whole day and didn't fucking pass out without taking off that hoodie."

Gordon turns his head to look at Benrey. the hoodie he was wearing was actually one of Gordon's he "stole" and had gone throughout the blazing summer day without taking it off for even a second. the most he'd do is roll up the sleeves, but god forbid he takes it off for his own safety.

"I do it out of... spite." he replies, sinking into the hoodie a little as he says it.

He leans more of his weight on Gordon, almost seeming like hes trying to push him over. In reality though, having Gordon close to him is one of his biggest comforts. Whenever he got the chance, he would press up against Gordon's arm, sit on his lap, or just simply hold him close and listen to his soft breathing and the beat of his heart. Feeling him close reminded him that he was in fact there and very much alive. Gordon let's out a sigh with a smile and gently ruffles Benrey's messy black hair.  
Both of them were pretty wiped out from the day they had.

Ever since the whole Black Mesa incident, Gordon had gained a new found appreciation for the outdoors. For this outdoor trip, Gordon had decided to head up the mountains and explore the trails. It was amazing. The paths were all covered by the trees above so they didn't bake, it was quiet, it was calm, and it was relaxing. Well... actually only one of those things were true. The trees did in fact block out the sun from the trails, but Gordon found himself pulling Benrey away from things every five seconds. He will never understand what was going on in Benrey's mind when he tried to eat every random mushroom they found and tried to fucking pick up a random snake that appeared along the trail. Gordon is sure the hikers and other visitors found the constant yells of "NO!" and "DON'T." very pleasant.

Eventually though, the both of them grew tired and decided to go just a bit off trail to find the field which they are sitting on now. The clouds in the sky partially covered over the sun's rays and the soft, occasional breeze balanced out the atmosphere perfectly. Benrey lets out a slight sigh and nuzzles his face into the crook of Gordon's neck. He could just be tired, but even when Benrey is tired, he usually still likes to ramble off about random bullshit.

"Hey... something on your mind?"

"........", Benrey shrugs, "Just uhm.... thinking... 'bout uh.... things. I guess." He avoids making eye contact and pretends to be playing with the grass.

"Is it something you might want to talk about?"

Silence again. Gordon feels worry building up in his chest. He wants to help Benrey, but he doesn't want to pressure him into talking when he doesn't want to. Maybe hold him? Give him a little kiss? No, that wouldn't make the problem go away, he needs to find a distraction to keep Benrey's mind from thinking of whatever it was that was making him so lethargic. He looks around, there's nothing but grass and the buzz of insects that continue to be seemingly invisible. He furrows his brows in thought. What could Gordon do to take Benrey's mind off of this? Ah! Gordon remembers something that he thinks just might work. He pats Benrey, gets up, and stands in front of him, holding his hands out to help him up.

"You calling it quits already? huh? Don't even wanna uh. Lay down a little?" He takes hold of Gordons hands and his gently pulled to his feet. Gordon doesn't let go of his hands after Benrey is solid on his feet.

"Actually." He squeezes Benrey's hands lightly "I have something i want to show you, if that's alright..."

Benrey looks down at his hands, then at Gordon. "Uh... yeah sure, whatever I guess." He shrugs one shoulder.

Gordon starts to lead them further from the path they originally came from, still keeping hold of one of Benrey's hands. Benrey was a bit puzzled about how confident Gordon seemed about knowing where he's going, but none-the-less follows. Anywhere he went, he wanted to be there too. Be it a good or bad place, he didn't want to be apart from Gordon for longer than he'd have to. He just. Hates being without him.

"Hey." Gordon stops and turns to Benrey, "You alright, honey bee? You seem like you're spacing-out again..." He lightly squeezes his hand and tilts his head down slightly.

 _HONEYBEEHONEYBEEHONEYBEEHONEYB-_ oh my ffffffffffffucking god he feels like his chest is going to burst as he clutches his heart through his hoodie. "YeAh-" he coughs lightly into his fist, taking it off his chest and tucking it in his hoodie pouch, "it's uh- it's all good. good in the hood." He looks to the side, too flustered to make eye contact.

"Well- not yet." Before Benrey even has time to respond, Gordon pull the hood over his head. "Okay, now you're _good in the hood_ ," he chuckles.

"God you're such a- fuckin' nerd ass..." Benrey lifts the hood up a bit so it isn't covering his eyes anymore and is attacked with a raspberry kiss on his cheek.

"HAHAHAH- FUCKIN- KNOCK IT OFF YOU STUPID FUCKIN GAYASS." He laughs as Gordon's lips leave his cheek, placing his hand over that spot and rubbing over where he kissed him.

"I don't think I will. I like hearing your laugh." A small yet sweet smile forms on Gordon's face, making eye contact for a second before turning away to start walking again. Thank god for it too, because Benrey could feel his face getting heated and knew it would be showing. He continued to follow as he tried to calm down and cool his face, the area around them growing darker as the sun began to dig in to the horizon. When he looked away from the sun and back at the sights before him, he was greeted with what was presumably what Gordon had lead him to to show him.

Yarrows. A small field of them, circled by thick, high reaching trees that make it almost like a hidden hide-away. Gordon lightly tugged at Benrey's arm to let him know he was still walking forward and wanted him to follow. They finally made it to what looked like was pretty much the center of the small field and sat down among the flowers. Benrey gently grazed his hands through the flowers, letting the tiny flowers tickle at his palms. It felt nice, in all honestly. Benrey suddenly suddenly freezes and turns over to Gordon, who was apparently watching him play with the flowers.

"Weeds?" Benrey tilts his head.

Gordon's brows furrow in sudden confusion. "W- god damn it, no! They're fucking yarrows, Ben!" He raises his voice, gesturing his hands down at the white flowers.

"Yah-who?" Benrey tilts his head the other way.

Gordon groans and falls back in to the field, his hands covering his face in frustration and grumbles in to them. Benrey stares for a bit, seeing if he would sit back up, but eventually just laid down beside him when he figured he wasn't going to any time soon. Silence engulfs them for a while as the frogs start to croak and crickets chirp in to the air. The sky was pink and almost clear of clouds now. Stars were just beginning to paint across the strawberry sky. The wind still blew softly, gently rustling the trees and making the flowers dance to its rhythm. Wait a minute...

Benrey rolls over on his side and lays his head on his arm, turning his attention to Gordon who was also admiring the sight above them. "How- how did you know... this was here? You got some kind of uh. Sonar or something?" He genuinely asks.

Gordon turns his head, taken aback a little from how close Benrey is to his face. "Oh, well I uh..." He lifts a hand and moves his hair out of his eyes, "I actually am kinda. Familiar with this area. Used to come up here as a short get away and well... I just happened to stumble on to this area." He reaches out and holds Benrey's face, "I saw you upset and I- I didn't know what I should do because I didn't like- want to pry you to talk about it if you didn't want to and I remembered this spot so I... y'know?" He lets out an awkward, nervous chuckle and looks to the ground. "I really... hate seeing you upset like that so I thought- maybe a slight change in scenery would take your mind off of it..." Oh god, Gordon hoped it worked, Even just a little bit. Seeing Benrey upset made his heart absolutely sink.

Benrey was paralyzed in Gordon's hand. No matter how long its been or how many times he's reminded, he still takes a minute to process that Gordon does in fact care about him and is holding his face in such a gentle way that makes him lean in to the touch.

suddenly, a stream of sweet tears start to dribble and float off into the air. They were dark blue, pantone blue to be specific. Gordon had seen these colors before but ha never knew what they ment. he struggled in his mind on whether or not it would be okay to ask but then-

"p-please.... don't... leave me alone." You can hear him trying to keep his voice steady.

"what...? what— what do you mean?" Leave Benrey?? what? what made him think Gordon would ever leave him? where did these thoughts come from?

"you're going to leave me... i know you will eventually.." he tries to wipe the sweet tears off, staining the sleeve of Gordons hoodie. that doesn't matter right now, what matters is that benrey is upset and Gordon needs to understand why before he can begin to help him.

"what makes you think i would ever?" Gordon questions, worry and sympathy written across his face and in his words.

silence for a while. the sweet tears begin to shift in color, from pantone blue to pure violet. Gordon watches as the spheres float up like bubbles and fade away. This color he DOES know. violet means "i'm so used to it." 

Benrey stays silent, avoiding eye contact as the sweet tears stream from his eyes. Gordon places a hand on Benrey's cheek and delicately turning his face towards his. his touch so soft as if he felt that if he used any force Benrey would shatter to pieces.

"Oh, Ben....." he whispers, "that's not something to get used to... never, never." He glides his thumb along Benrey's cheek, "This isn't something normal, its something fucking idiots do to hurt other people..." Benrey leans into his touch and wipes away more sweet tears. He sniffles a couple times before just giving a shrug. "I guess it just.... happened so much I uh...... i assumed it was.... just normal."

Gordon shakes his head rapidly, "no!! it's not anything anyone should get used to!" He restrains himself from shaking Benrey by the shoulders, "nobody deserves to be left like that." the tears slow down their production as Benrey seemingly becomes a puddle in Gordon's hand. who knew touch could be so comforting and healing?

Gordon sighs,"You know i'd never leave you, right? actually, i need to hear you say it." He makes direct eye contact, "Tell me that i'm never gonna leave you."

Benrey was taken aback, tears completely stopped by now but still making a mess around his eyes. Gordon was very serious, but was he really? i mean, things change, FEELINGS change. Not that he doesn't trust him, its just all the damage done from being alone for so long. How could he know for sure? is there any cheat codes to this? If only he can capture this moment forever and never have it change...

the silence between them was incredibly painful and felt like a whole lifetime until Benrey opened his mouth, "I... I just don't want things to change... I don't..... I-I don't want you to lose feelings for me...." He sniffles. He doesn't really expect Gordon to give any response but-

"Benrey..." He coos so sweetly and soft... his voice is like pure honey... Benrey felt so warm... "I know... not everything is exactly set in stone... and you cant really predict everything that could happen, but..." Gordon grasps Benreys hands and kisses them before holding them close to his chest. Benrey could feel his heartbeat through his lame t-shirt with a faded Crush soda logo on it.

"But the one thing that i know that will never go away is the fact that I really, truly am in love with you..." You could swear there was a loading screen playing in Benrey's mind for a few seconds before he started to break into tears again and shoved himself into Gordons arms. Gordon sits up, crosses his legs, and moves Benrey into his lap and gently pets his hair as he sobs a mess into his shoulder. Gordon shushes quietly, occasionally rocking gently back and forth until the sobs break into small whimpers. Gordon runs his fingers though Benrey's hair and notices the yarrows falling out. He pulls him away from his shoulder to look at him. His face was smeared with sweet tears and snot, but what really stud out where the little white flowers settled in his soot-black hair.

Benrey whines when hes pushed away and Gordon lets out a soft chuckle, "The flowers got all in your hair, man." He moves the hair out of Benrey's face and sweetly kisses away some of the mess left by the sweet tears, "I actually like how they look... makes you look..." He leans forward to give him a short kiss and lets a hand glide across his cheek, "Honeyed."

Benrey looks like he had been slapped hard across the face... but in a good way? He quickly buried his head back into gordons shoulder and gripped tightly at the back of his shirt, his squeeze so tight it almost chokes Gordon. Gordon returns the tight hug and lets out a soft sigh. 

"I'm not going anywhere, I promise you." He mutters into Benrey's ear, to which the hug tightens in response to this statement.

They stay in that position until there's barely any natural light left as the sun is waving its goodbye for the day. Both of them felt like the moment was too short-lived, but they also both know now that it's not the end of loving moments like this. Gordon is the first to try to get up, only for Benrey to almost growl at him for even daring to try to move him off.

Gordon didn't put up any fight, instead he went for the middle ground and just decided he was going to carry Benrey back. To this, there wasn't any growls or protests, just a small squeeze of surprise that quickly left once Gordon got on his feet and started heading back to the trail. 

By the way," Gordon breaks the comfortable silence,"you know what yarrows represent?" 

"flowers have meanings...?" Benrey lifts his head a bit from Gordon's shoulder. 

"They do." 

"oh uh... no...... what.... do they mean?" 

"Everlasting love." Benrey could hear the sincerity and warmth in his voice, it made his heart swell. 

"gay." 

"I am going to drop you right fucking now." they both share a quiet laugh that slowly fades back into silence again as Gordon sets foot back on the path they originally came from. 

They'll be lucky if they make it back to the car before its pitch dark.

**Author's Note:**

> gay people real.... n e ways I hope you enjoyed and I'm open to criticism ! :) I'm sorry if they were awfully ooc, but I'm not gonna get better at it without practice, right ?


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